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Viabelle's Blog

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Love

Same Script, Different Cast.

The three loves of my life were never my boyfriend…

My first love, persued me and when I gave in and was under his spell he backed away slowly. He got me wrapped up in him. When I told him I loved him, he said, “You dont love me, you don’t know what real love is.” That was disturbing, how could you tell me I don’t know what im feeling?! But I was naive, because as much as I loved him, I couldnt see that he didnt love me. We did everything a couple would do….travel, shop, dates, sex, have fun etc. But every chance he got I was reminded we weren’t in a relationship. Though everyone around thought we were.I guess reality shoulda hit when he met someone else. Shitty thing is I loved him still. Naive young lady going on dates with her fwb and his girlfriend. Tsss.
Then he proposed, and that did it. I freaked. I left the island, I couldn’t handle it. With no one to talk to because no one would understand how I felt and why I stayed for as long as I did. 

My second love, he contacted me online, his picture didn’t do him justice. We talked though, but I wasn’t trying to take him seriously. We finally met years later and thats when I was more focus on him. We went out a few times. Shortly after we both decided that weekends would be our time. Weekends we stayed in, watch movies, played video games, order food, pizza most times. It was good. We got along, we gelled. Then one day he told me he was in a long distance relationship (that hurt).But he wanted to be with me. Like love #1, we were seen every where together. We continued this fwb relationship for awhile and then he just disappeared. I was depressed for sometime about that.


My third love, I met online as well. Video chat a few times, then finally linked up one day. I would go by him and chill, eventually found myself sleeping over and getting comfortable not realizing that he was just going with it. One day he told me he met someone and she was coming to live with him. I cried my eyes out, in the front of him, I couldn’t hold the tears back. 

We remained in contact, and finally with time, seemed to be on the same level. So friends we were. Then the more we stayed friends and talked about his relationship issues, my surpressed feelings weren’t being so surpressed. 
Fast forward to us living together. My feelings on over drive. Another fwb, another constant reminder we aint in a relationship. How do I keep getting here. I told him I love him, he said “Loving me is bad for your emotional health“. 
What is wrong with me?! 

My first love came back to me, begging, apologizing but he is very much married. My second love reappeared and came back begging and apologizing and he is also very married. And im scared. Im having depression outbreaks cause my third love is going to get married. 

Like why cant they get it right before getting married. Why get married to realize I love you sincerely or you love me. 
My third love, we argue, we have fun, we play game, we chill. But im not his hearts desire. And I cant bring my self to face this again. I dont know how to leave him alone. But I know I have to, I know it’s best for me, for my health. I wish him well, like I did the rest. Its time for me to look out for me. I can see where this is going, so im jumping out in front of it. It won’t be easy but it has to be done. 

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2 ❤️’s became 1

Today we pledged to spend our lives together. To grow, to build, to share eternally now. We have left behind the world of deceitful games. 
May our vows and marriage always be blessed. May we forever be lovers, allies and friends.
Joining hands we become a circle. And holding hands, we look up, prepare, for there is still far to go… 
And with this love we feel for each other, so pure so rare, nothing else could compare.
With tears in our eyes we’ve said our I do’s, and promise to each other this love we won’t lose.
Two families mixing and be-coming one, Two hearts officially became one. 

Overlooked Circle 

You will always be overlooked if you waiting for the wrong person to notice you. Sure they look at you, they see you, spend time with you but they will never love you how you want them too. 

All the time you invest in loving them, catering to them because you love them, being there for them is all good for them but bad for you. You desire more, you deserve more, you will not get that from someone who is overlooking you. 

Your heart is pure and all that you do comes from pureness. It comes natural to do the things you do. You’re not looking to be praise, just to be loved. But you wont get that from loving someone who has overlooked you.

You criticize who they date because in role play;  who they date is them, and they are you. They’re watering a dead plant that is killing them and pulling you. Let go of someone who is overlooking you and you may find the one who you, yourself have overlooked

Our Anniversary

Some people try to mimic their relationships off of fairy tales or social media, but ours?! This what we gat! This mimics two individual beings, who combined, working as one, is one hell of a dynamic force. You make me smile, infectiously. You kiss me, even when im mad with you. 

Your arms are my safe haven. Those spontaneous out burst of affection are my weakness. You are my kinda perfect.

A kiss when we greet, a kiss when we depart, a kiss even when we’re mad. I love you bad. I say it loosely, it flows so freely, ☺️this love I cant deny. 
We havent spoken in a week, so I had plenty time to think. Everytime I started to frown, thoughts came that turn them upside. 

So this is true, my love for you, on this day our anniversary

Happy anniversary my king! I love you forever and a day! 

Was It Worth It?!

Secretly planning for weeks to surprise my king. Finding out his every move each day as ‘the’ day approaches. Finally its here and im nervous, butterflies, at work but my mind else where. On my lunch break, I rode with coworkers to purchase my ticket and to get the finishing touches on his gift completed. The rain came down heavy for about 30 minutes, and my nerves returned. Back at work im all at the edge of my seat, watching the time. Time crawls on by, feeling like forever. The last minute taking the longest to reach. Freedom has arrived. Clocked out, and we shoot out on the bumpy road to take me for my travelling bag. Excited and nervous I double checked my bag, then headed up to my friend. Once there I changed and prepared for my flight.

At the airport, I checked in and head to the back, pass security. Sitting anxiously texting my friend who is picking me up from the airport and still keeping tabs on my king. I look out the glass door and the plane is there refueling. My belly ties in a knot, I’m really nervous now. Our flight is called, this is it! We board and soon we’re in the air. No turning back. 
As I begin to see the city lights my nerves return. ‘Will he be excited?’ ‘Will he like his gift?’ ‘Will he show me off? Take me out?’ ‘Will this be worth the trip, the money I’m about to lose?’ Only time will tell, I think as we land. I texted my friend to let him know we just landed and I will be out shortly. I grabbed my bag and spotted my friend almost immediately. I hugged him and thanked him so much for helping in my spontaneous surprise. 

We head towards the hotel but stop along the way for some Wendy’s. The food was good, the ice tea was horrible. Once at the hotel, I checked in and we headed to the room. My friend is lifting my bag which is a bit heavy to m now ’cause of my work boots and clothing. We get to the room and my nerves are there. I told my friend and he is just the sweetest, reassuring me that my king will be very happy to see me. We talked for a bit more and then we hugged and he left. 

I took a shower and crawled into bed sending my king a text. We text back and forth a bit, I tell him I’m here and I could hear the disbelief through his message. He calls shortly after as he is headed to the hotel. We stay on the phone for a bit. We hang up and he calls back after he arrives. We’re on the phone as I watch his shadow approaching the door. I feel like I’m about to burst, my smiles is from ear to ear. Down below is tinkling, I could feel it getting wet. He approaches the door and I just want to leap on him, have him there. But I restrain, waiting for him to make his move. He takes me and hugs me, we start kissing. My teddy bear, my king!!! He’s here, I’m here, we’re here together!!!! I love this man. I know this! I’m scared of my love for him but at this moment none of that matters, all the nervousness and butterflies has left. It’s just him and I, hand in, hand.  

Before it goes any further I sit on the bed and pull out his gift. The glow in his eyes as he opens it send my blood rushing, ‘he’s excited!’ He takes a closer look and notices his initials engraved. My king, appreciative, happy?! Wow I’m thrilled. He looks up at me and at that moment I knew it was on I could feel it. 

But what I felt was no where near in comparison to what I recieved. This man, this amazing man, his intimacy, his beauty, charm, wit, and he’s MINES and I’m HIS! This trip, at this very moment was worth it. Just to be here with him at this very moment! My king!

I dont…

I dont want a love that hurts anymore.
I dont want to cry myself to sleep.
I dont want to be unequally yoked.
I dont want to settle.
I dont want to love more than im being loved.
I dont want to question love.
I dont want someone that doesnt want me.
Will I ever get the love I desire?
The love that last always?
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Social Media Bout To Ruin My Relationship

If I dont get a grip, social media bout to ruin my relationship.
Seeing happy couples taking pic, posting statuses that would normally make me sick. Knowing flawless public facade can masked private despair, somehow feelings of the grass being greener appear.

If I dont get a grip, social media bout to ruin my relationship.
‘You dont show me love on the internet.’ ‘You must be cheating, your status still says single.’ ‘If you love me, why can’t the world know?’ Questions that prevent growth and block happiness from its natural flow.

If I dont get a grip, social media bout to ruin my relationship.
Social media prevents trust in an already untrusting world, it takes away from the art of love, the uniqueness of love, the ability to love.

Dont lose what is real chasing behind what only appears to be.

I refuse to let social media ruin my relationship.
I got a grip and stop letting likes, pics and statuses attempt to destroy what we are trying to build.

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I fell in love!

I fell deeply in love.

These past few years, I have been involved in a long-term mediocre relationship. I didnt think it was possible, almost 6 years later im wrapped in emotions, all bubbly inside. Who falls in love with crinkles, kinks, frizziness, nearly matted hair. I DID!!!  

Sure, it’s no easy ride and it takes commitment, but that’s how you know it’s true love. It has definitely never been a love-at-first-sight situation. Some days I liked it, I loathed it most days, but I have finally fallen in love with it.

My locs have taught me patience and shown me strength. Every few months I look into a mirror and I’m always amazed at the length I’ve achieved. It inspires me, to be better, eat better, live healthier. Who knew?!

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Birthday King

His birthday is approaching, and I know he is expecting a poem, a letter, something I made. But he’s still learning me so he forgets to expect the unexpected. This year its different, but he doesnt know it yet.

Love makes me do crazy things. Im a hopeless romantic. I go hard for my loves, I spend without thinking, I believe in doing things for others that I would like done to me. So I go all out.

Before I met my king I made a promise that my next relationship would be different, I would do things differently. So instead of spending and going all out, I wrote him letters, poems, made him pic collages…things that others wouldnt appreciate. Surprisingly, he appreciated every single thing I did for him. I felt his smile in my heart.

For his birthday this year, I decided to take it a bit higher, not to my extreme self as yet though. I believe if you want to be treated as a queen, you must be willing to treat him as a king. Guys love being spoiled as well. So im spending on him, well I have already spent. I’ve had his gift for a month now, anxious to give it to him. Maybe its the reaction im anxious to see. Either way, the time is almost near.

I love you my king.
Forever and a day😘😍

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