Babbling in my mind. So much thoughts at once.  I was confused about the decisions I was making and I know they weren’t the right one. But for some reason it seemed so much easier, it flowed almost as if it was suppose to be normal. It is so easy for me to give advice to others on any situation than for me to figure out that one problem, but there wasn’t really nothing to figure out. I knew exactly why I did it! Im in a relationship as far as all my friends and family knew, and then there was that secret life that only me knew about. I had 2-3 other relationships. No it didn’t get complicated for me because they all weren’t on the same island. If I could’ve taken all of them and make one, I would’ve been so fine. My ‘public’ boyfriend wasn’t stepping up to the plate, he was basically leaving me with all that free time to communicate with others. In the beginning, I was hands down dedicated, I cut off all prior bad acts. Clean slate, that is until he started  ‘falling off’. No, I didnt just hopped right into those other relationships the first chance I got. I repeatedly told him about my concerns about the relationship, I even set up small interventions to help him see what was wrong. After all failed I turned to others, I could’ve just left but part of me still had faith that things would work out and because he is much younger the turn around process for him was much longer.  Now it could’ve very well been signs that maybe he wasnt for me and I should’ve let it go (but whoever wants to believe that, thats the reason). I stayed committed sexually, and I did feel guilty sometimes when they called me pet names, but the attention and the emotion I got from them was overwhelming. If he would’ve just put me first sometimes, recognise my needs, just pay me some attention, I would’ve been beyond satisfied.

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